In the wake of Hurricane Katrina is a society left in ruin. What has transpired is the worst-case scenario - it's hard to believe that the richest nation in the world can so easily be flipped on its belly and produce such heart-wrenching pictures of desperation, poverty, and chaos.

It reminds me that we are all just a breath away from the same fate; all it takes is one day of destruction and all the invisible constructs we've built to provide us with such a wealthy existence come crumbling down. And we're left with nothing. I ask myself, "would I be able to survive?" The answer is no. I'd be among the most helpless of them all, and the my only hope would come from others' help. Perhaps that's one of the greatest failures of modern society. We've become so accustomed to "civilization" that we've bred a new type of human: one that only has the skills to be useful in a self-constructed economy. The only reason why I am making a living is because some central government has made up this invisible rule that all companies need to write these invisible numbers on pieces of paper. In real life, these mean nothing. The economy is nothing without anyone to believe in it - money is worthless unless people are willing to accept it, and they would only accept it if they knew that others would accept it, too. It's like we've all bought into this great, communal lie and ironically, it is a lie that makes our world go round. Without it, the world really does become survival of the fittest.

Ok, so i've been thinking: maybe i need to really brush up on my survival skills. I never made it through girl guides, you know. I've been camping once, and even then all the boys did the hard work. I think it'd be really useful to learn how to make fire out of sticks, how to farm some basic food items, how to protect myself against looters and rapists crawling the abandoned streets (karate? jujitsu? taekwondo? fencing? riflery?), how to pick a lock to get into abandoned buildings with resources inside (that might also come in handy if i lock myself out of my apartment too), and how to perform CPR on anyone needing emergency medical health (also useful in a non-flood situation).

Note to self: i think i should encourage my future children to pursue careers (or really strong hobbies) that actually give them real skills, such as carpentry or farming, electrician, medicine, self-defense, sewing, metalsmithing, animal farming, etc. That way if society ever disintegrated, they'd have something solid to fall back on and could at least bargain their way to survival. Given all the disasters that have happened in the past 5-10 years, I'm half expecting the end of the world to happen! It's always good to be prepared...

I don't know what's going on in the American Gulf Coast, but watching some news reports, I get the impression that it's mass chaos down there. Part of the nightmare comes from the fact that there are just so many people who are now refugees. It's easy to forget how BIG America in population, and it's also easy to forget that the majority of these people are not wealthy. They're poor in the States, and I really don't understand how a nation that can have such incredibly RICH people can also have such a huge population of IMPOVERISHED people living a few miles away. Wait - scratch that - because the rich people have such sprawling landscape gardens of course it'd be more than a few miles away. I am really ashamed that I have not felt more of a burden in my heart for these people, for all the people who are less fortunate than I am. I have truly been ignorant of this, and I'm glad that God is finally getting through this stone heart of mine to show me that half this world lives in poverty and if only i could do something to help.

I just feel so incredibly lucky that I have a safe, dry bed to sleep in tonight. That my family is safe in this nice house with me, and that tomorrow I'll be able to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That my greatest worry is whether I'm gaining weight from all this excess food i can afford, or that my greatest frustration is that i won't be getting internet and tv service until September 24th. I am reminded that any day, God can decide to snap his fingers and let all these blessings in my life disappear. All it takes is a car accident, or losing my job, or a really bad snowstorm, or whatever.

I have a confession to make. Over the past few days i've been pouring over my annual budget for this upcoming year. Yah, it's anal rententive and everything but for some reason i've been obsessed with counting the exact after tax dollar amount of revenue i'll be earning, minus my basic cost of living, and seeing exactly how much i can afford to spend in "lifestyle expenses." Then seeing how much i can save up for grad school. I've spent HOURS on this budget, and i've really hit a roadblock when it comes to TITHING.

On one hand, trusted people in my life tell me that i shouldn't feel obligated to do the 10% thing. Other people i look up to are giving the full 10% themselves. I have to admit, i am incredibly reluctant to give 10% of my revenue because that represents about 40% of my year-end savings. Excuses are really comforting. I need to save up for grad school, wouldn't i love to get an lcd screen for my room, isn't it enough that i give 5%, etc. etc....and i think a part of me confessing this aloud is giving it up to God, giving it up to accountability, admitting that i am weak in this area. God softens your heart when you are willing. Whatever God's will is in this area, i really hope he pulls out all the stops in helping me make the right decision. I know that in the end, my heart will tell me what the right thing to do is...and there's a feeling that you get, no matter how much the sacrifice hurts on the surface, that is deep down warm and fuzzy when you do the right thing.