I've decided: Sarah Mclachlan is my favourite musician. There was a special interview with her on tv tonight, and I just could not believe how normal she was, but also such an amazing artist. YAY. I'm just happy right now. It's silly, because yesterday i was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Commuting sucks! I don't ever remember signing up for commuting three hours each day going to and from work. *sigh* So by the time i come home from work, there's no energy to work out, or do anything productive. It's even a struggle just cooking dinner. (and tonight i microwave steamed! i know, i'm such a cheap cook)

But you know what? That's life. There's been this huge adjustment period moving to Toronto, just as there was in Washington. I had to get used to the traveling, hours, and social life just as I have to do here. And then there's the "self-improvement" projects that i'm always undergoing. And here's my final opinion on self-improvement: remember OB (organizational behaviour) and maslow's hierarchy of needs? Remember how there's two fundamental ways to see workers - either you assume that they're lazy and so your incentive programs have to do with enforcing their work OR you assume that they're fundamentally GOOD and you just need to motivate them properly? Well, ideally i would go with the latter because it's just a nicer way to view the world. But in reality i think that people are just naturally lazy. I know i am. And i know that i have to set physical CONSTRAINTS and commitments in my life that i CAN'T possibly get out of in order to force myself to not be lazy. Human beings, at least this one, are not designed to naturally be disciplined. That's why it's called discipline. So i've been learning a lot about discipline. Like turning off the television and msn and forcing myself to stop the distractions.

For instance, i had a lot of dreams for this summer. I wanted to read books, take chinese classes, work out regularly, go to fellowship, volunteer at the distress centre, etc. etc. But in the end, i suck at following through and i know i won't get that stuff done. But it's when i set these artificial limits on myself - like softball practices i CAN'T get out of, Sunday dinners with the grandparents that i have promised i'll go to...that's when i can actually get something done. Whether this disease plagues the entire humankind, i don't know - i just know that it's Andrea. And it's a part of Andrea and i'm going to have to accept and try to minimize as much as possible. *sigh* Living effectively takes a lot of effort!