*blech* It's decidedly a bad mood day. I'm sitting here in my cubicle and my mind is just racing with anxieties and doubts, and yup, it's definitely an Andrea relapse moment. Have you ever woken up and just felt, i don't know, anxious somehow? Anxious about everything....

I think the past school year has finally caught up with me...and now i'm dealing with the reality of my life. Last semester was brutal, and a large reason why I came to DC was to...well, to run away.

Let's talk about having an identity crisis.
I was watching Saved by the Bell this morning (God bless American television) and it was the episode where the gang gets their SAT scores back, and Jessie, the "brain" scores well below Zack, the "slacker." And she can't handle it...!! At first she's okay, but then as she goes through her day with people reacting to the surprise...it just, it's so hard to not live up to other peoples' expectations. Because, and i think this is the clincher, you somehow are led to believe that the only reason why people love you or respect you is because of _________. (insert appropriate adjective here). And when you don't have that anymore, big question marks about your existence starts popping up...because you don't know how to act. And maybe that's the problem...the problem is that when your behaviour depends on how other people view you, when you change the way you act according to how other people expect you to act....then you're screwed when you're inconsistent with that image.

You ask yourself, how did you build that image in the first place? I thought that i was fairly careful in crafting a "just be myself" kind of image, and in that way I would be consistent...I feel like wherever I go, i'm always stuck with two feet in two different boats and the boats are sailing apart. And i know this is a problem with *me* because it follows me across the oceans. I guess that explains why most of the time, i'm most comfortable being alone, reading my books and daydreaming. Question is, should this be something I accept about myself or is this something fundamentally wrong with me that i need to fix?

This brings new meaning to "clueless." *blech*