Merry Christmas!

The important things in life. Last night on the way to a Christmas dinner, i was holding our Christmas gift in a lululemon bag in the car. Through the moonlight, my eyes came across the words "life is full of setbacks. Success is determined by how you handle them." All of a sudden, Baz Lurman's voice started reading out the rest of the sayings on that paper bag....and I realized that God was trying to tell me something. He's been trying to do it for a while, but as usual, i've been slow on the uptake. ˆlive deliberately,ˆ He says. Make every moment count. Take care of that body of yours, it's the only one you'll have for the rest of your life. Don't always do what you're told, make up your own mind.

I never thought I would tolerate regrets in my life. Maybe i'm getting old, but I think i've finally got some. Choices I've made that I can't change, can't go back, and can't fix. Choices that have led to consequences that are my so-called life now. As silly as it was that God spoke to me through the lululemon paper bag, he also spoke to me through a chicklit shopaholic book. Yah, i know. But after reading Shopaholic Takes Manhattan, I vowed never to fall into anything again. To live with purpose and take responsibility for my decisions - to actually make them. Falling back on the default of not having made a choice is nothing but cowardice.

I know i could have done better. I was just lazy. I was stupid, and careless. And i was selfish. New rule: the stupid small things DO matter. Now, don't get me wrong....i'm not advocating becoming (even more of) a perfectionist. There's a difference between focusing on being perfect, and expecting perfect character. The latter is attainable. The first leads to frustration, pride, and a heart attack by 30. I think the difference is that while i've used the excuse that we can't be perfect to cover for an imperfect life attitude. Okay, third and last illustration of the recent divine communique. There's this song by Capstone called, "Step by Step/I'll Do My Best"...and the refrain, "i'll do my best, I'll do my best, i'll do my best for you" made me think - do i really do my best? No, really. Do i? I can't say i do. I can't say i really know what doing my best means. And then I realized that this is probably a strong indicator that I haven't been giving God my best at all, if I can't even define it.

In just four months, I'm going to graduate from University and actually become a "real person." Soon, I will really be held accountable for every action, word, and thought that I produce. I will be held accountable for those that I don't produce as well. Sometimes I wish that I had someone who believed in me....like a mentor, or teacher who really saw potential in me and told me to "go for it" - Good Will Hunting style. But this is the real world, and in the real world no one believes in you until you prove it to them. *sigh* Nothing is ever going to be the way you want it to be. The key is to act even if you lack the ideal situation. The key is to live even if you don't get your movie moment. Those moments always come by surprise, anyway.