I spent the afternoon chatting with Anita Epstein, lobbiest extraordinaire. If inspiration could be tangible, my mouth is overstuffed with it to the point where I feel as though I’ve bit off more than I can chew. Going into the interview, I wanted to get beyond my petty fears about not being as sharp, informed, witty, or charming enough to impress. I wanted to just be myself, and to ask the questions that I wouldn’t be in the position to ever ask again.

I have a confession to make. I’ve been faking things my entire life. In school, I fake knowledge about school and classes and subject material that I really had no idea about. In Washington DC, I fake a lot of things about politics and bills and other things that I honestly am sadly mis-informed about. I know it’s bad, and I know that I should know a lot more considering beside my peers I am drably uninformed and uneducated.

Actually, this has been bothering me quite a bit for the past few months. I feel stupid, in Washington D.C. I’m not a very good listener, and I have a memory worse than a senior with alzeimer’s. It’s more than feeling ignorant, because most basic concepts I can’t even grasp. Subjects like the treatment of capital gains, something very simple that I should know about, are subjects I have to spend the entire morning reading about and staring at a flowchart I’ve created on my own. One of my biggest fears is that there is really something wrong with me. I’m silently afraid that there is an innate dysfunction in my frontal lobe.

Which is why most of the time I resort to faking it. I fake knowing about issues, and have grown accustomed to just repeating lines from this morning’s op-ed and pass it as my own opinion. I wish I had more creativity, I wish I had the ability to think on my own, I wish I could be original.

This ties into my greater struggle with coming to Washington D.C. I decided about a month ago that if by the time I leave this city, I can find my own voice then I would have accomplished a great deal here. I would be satisfied with my exchange and label it a success if I could discover the original Andrea. Somewhere deep down, it’s there but it’s buried deep beneath years of obedience, conformity, self-esteem issues, and public education. That’s right, I blame everything on the failings of public education. I think that tops my regrets list. I can’t believe I just said that, but it’s true: I have a regrets list. And on the top of that list is the fact that I didn’t learn more, that I didn’t challenge myself to think outside the box during high school. I took the easy way out by not taking IB, by not reading more classical books, by not venturing outside the damn rules. I always followed the rules, and that only taught me to conform and to become used to being micromanaged. That’s right, I’ve been brainwashed to work like a little drone in the cubicle who does one task, checks in with the boss to get assigned another task, then to accomplish it just right to specifications.

Let me talk a bit about originality. Anita told me this great story about Adam. As a test, she asked him to get her a set of newspapers that were reserved for Senators at a hearing. Technically, there would be no way to accomplish this because Anita is no Senator and Adam is just an intern. However, Adam walked up to the table, chatted with the men there, and then proceeded to take the newspapers back to his boss. When Anita asked what he said, Adam told her that when the men asked Adam who he was taking the newspapers for he said, “They’re for Ms.Epstein of New York.” I love how Adam explained his actions, later during happy hour. He said, “you have to deceive others into thinking that you belong.” In Washington D.C, it’s all about faking confidence, and acting as though do belong there.

Case and point: okay, so it's Sunday night (i know, i'm committing blogging sacriledge by interjecting here) and i'm watching Alias. Sidney (and other spies - Nikita did a great job of this too) often "lies" to all kinds of people - even her father - to get the truth out of him. That is, she'll let him think that she knows the truth and so he'll confirm what she suspected all along....but that opens things to another question: is lying or misleading people alright? Sometimes, in the context of entering the workforce (or being a spy - take your pick) I have observed that deceiving people to make them believe "you belong" or "you're in the know" WILL get you further. ie. If Sidney didn't do what she does, then she wouldn't be able to be as good of a spy as she is!! Last summer I worked with this really strong and devout Christian. He did EVERYTHING by the book, thru and thru GOODNESS. He was so full of integrity and goodness and morality that it scared me! But the question is....sometimes he was a little TOO much by the book that it was, i don't know, something about it was a little "ehh" and i can't really put my finger on it. So the question is...how much "by the book" should we live by? How much does morality meet with spirituality?

I asked Anita what it was that most impressed her about someone, and what characteristic of a person earned her respect. She answered that someone who thinks ahead, thinks creatively, and who takes the initiative impresses her. I completely agree, and I think that this is my goal of who I want to be. I want to become someone who can think outside the box, someone who can get things done without having to be hand held and shown exactly how and where the resources are. I want to be resourceful and creative and sharp. This is my second goal.

Goal 1: Find your own voice.
Goal 2: Become resourceful and creative and sharp
Goal 3: Learn to be positive thinking and easy going. Don’t be such a tight-ass.
Goal 4: Be more well-informed, well read. Read the newspapers everyday, read more classical books.
Goal 5: Get in shape.
Goal 6: Learn how to talk. Learn how to speak to your colleagues, peers, bosses and subordinates.
Goal 7: Accomplish more, procrastinate less. Don’t get distracted so easily, and stay focused on the goal.

Anita also said something very interesting. She impressed upon me the importance of saying things tactfully. Damn. It’s just my luck, this is definitely one of my weaknesses. But she’s right; I have to learn to practice what to say to people so that it at least sounds good. I observed Anita’s demeanor with her co-workers, with her contacts over the phone, with her secretary, and with me. She’s good, really good. Firstly, Anita is so warm and friendly that it puts everyone at ease. Secondly, she talks a lot and is never boring. Every conversation she had was littered with stories about her weekend and about something interesting.

You must also be honest. Honesty gives you credibility.
While you might not want to go out to every happy hour and social event, it’s important to be seen. It’s important to be present at these events because it’s all about connections.