Things have been in a whirlwind since Christmas holidays. I went back to Kingston to attend I.C.B.C. and then one week later flew back home to spend ten days with my family before I would start my internship in Washington.

I.C.B.C.....
Standing for "Inter-Collegiate Business Competition," ICBC has been a part of my life for about three years. First year, I was a volunteer. Second year, exec. Third year, bigger role on the exec. And now it feels so sad because I'm ready to say goodbye to ICBC. I'm ready to move on. I remember feeling so scared, walking into my first interview as a frosh....not knowing what to expect, and feeling like university was this great big interview and i had to fake my way into everything. Turns out the joke is that no one really cares! I took things waay too seriously, and it's funny cuz now i'm interviewing all these frosh and volunteers and i love watching them squirm needlessly. *muahahaa* Interesting how that's such a parallel for life...from the outside, we think that everything is so hard and that you have to live up to all these standards...but really, it's just a great big joke because no one really cares. They either like you or they don't...and you either fit their ideal or you don't. It's all situational.

Ten days in Calgary...the calm before the storm...
The past few days at home has been absolute *bliss.* I feel like Alanis Morrissette...after Jagged Little Pill was out for 2 years and people were expecting her to come out with a new album...but then she went to India to "find herself" by meditating all day with the dalai lama in front of the taj mahal. haha okay, that may be a tad melodramatic but you know what i mean. I've discovered a lot of things in the past few days. (a) I'm a type B personality. (b) I like taking my time doing things and (c) I'm going to be myself with others from now on. No more trying to laugh at jokes i don't think are funny! And no more trying to be someone i'm not. I'm okay with fading in the back of the crowd. I'm okay with being alone, because I'm not always going to be alone. Oh, and (d) God is still here.

I think i've finally come to terms with the fact that I'll never be the most eloquent or funny or smart or pretty or perfect person. I'll never be anything than that awkward girl who dreams too much and spouts random ideals and likes taking care of people.

Washington...
I can't wait to go to Washington. It's not because I want to party or have no classes or meet new people...it's not even because i'm that excited about working at the Canadian Embassy. Psst...i'll share a secret with you: I'm going to Washington on a pipe dream. I'm going because I'm chasing God. As preposterous as it sounds, I know that God wants me down there. Whether it's to serve him or to just be present there. I'll be willing. I WANT to put off my old life and just follow whereever the wind blows.